Three years ago this weekend, at a friend's Labor Day Weekend/Burning Man party, I promised myself that I would do whatever I could to eliminate the word 'regret' from my vocabulary. I had spent too many months, years perhaps, regretting my choice of major in college (theater) and the fact that I had gone to Europe for a month, leaving behind many open job applications.
Since that party, I've been doing a pretty good job at staying positive and living in the present. I got a great job that lasted for two years, found a wonderful boyfriend, made some wonderful new friends, and a position in an excellent women's vocal ensemble. However, my roommate moving out unexpectedly, the economy tanking, and my job ending have brought me closer to my mental state of three years ago than I care to be. Sure, I still have all of the aforementioned positive changes, but I don't have the direction/purpose that I wish I had.
I realize that there are probably millions of people like me out there. I know lots of people of all ages who still don't know what to do with their lives. Unfortunately, those things don't give me any solace. I'm finding myself once more wondering what my life would be like now had I majored in politics or history or created some combination major in college. Would I still be in San Francisco? What would I be doing? Would I have gone to grad school? If so, what would I have studied?
The first two weeks of my internship have given me more motivation than ever to go to graduate school—for international studies, demography, geography, or something of the sort—than I've ever had, and yet I still have the Foreign Service to consider. If I make it through the process, I won't be able to go to grad school, at least not yet. If I get an interview, it'll be in the next six months or so, the same time I would need to apply for schools, were I to start in Fall 2010. However, I'm not going to know if I've made it that far for at least another month, which is valuable time when one considers that I don't have any letters of recommendation, nor have I taken the GRE.
As anyone who's spent more than a few minutes around me probably knows, I like to have a plan. As I said to my roommate (the new one, who's great, by the way) last night, I like to have a plan even if all I'm going to be doing is sitting at home all evening. Therefore, this whole not having a plan for the next month let alone the next year and beyond is rather daunting. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but now that I am officially without a paycheck and health insurance, I'm becoming more angsty by the minute. Why else would I be posting on my blog at 1:12 in the morning?
If you've read this far and have any advice, please do pass it on. Thanks.
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Well, if it helps, a history major wouldn't have made you any more valuable on the job market. Trust me!
ReplyDeleteMy advice is actually not to go to graduate school. There are only two reasons to go to: you literally can't do your job without going (if you want to be a vet, say), or your current job will pay you more if you go. Grad school isn't about love of learning for its own sake, and going for that purpose alone isn't worth the emotional and financial costs.
There are worse things one can do than spend a few years in grad school, of course, but there are a lot better things, too.
So switching to the situation at hand, I would say you should see if and how you can get your current internship to segue into a career, rather than focus on grad school as a means of doing so.